"Pride Goeth Before a Fall"

Oh this saga could not go on for long without some calamity (large or small) occurring.  This morning one occurred.  v decided he'd had enough of being waited on and decided to get up on his own.  We don't have Lassie, but we have a small cat named Emily who came trotting, with purpose, from the bedroom area just as I heard a shout.  If you don't know us personally (and I believe most who read this do) you should know that v is not a big man, not in stature that is.  Thank God for that.  He's back to bed, he's caught his breath, and he is uninjured and neither am I. They do say "Pride goeth before a fall"...my, my...

This weekend v's daughter has been down from Portland where she lives, works, and goes to school.  He has been a happy man having his beautiful daughter here beside him.  It's been good to have the late night company for me.  It has also been nice for me, aside from the company she provides, that she is also far more techno savvy than I am. She has fixed a few of the glitches I've somehow created with my Mac and taught me about some convenient settings.  Sadly, she leaves this afternoon (though, last evening, v was oddly more concerned with whether I'd be able to set him up to watch the Super Bowl), but we're working on getting her back soon.   A quick reminder that the 49er's lost made the need for a sick room man-cave less urgent.  Sheesh! life goes on even if it requires more external support. Thankfully, the game streams live on-line (at least, it did last year).

Our friend Father Bill came by again yesterday to give v communion and read to us from a book called "Psalms for Praying" by Nan Merrill.  It's a new translation and more contemporary interpretation of the psalms. As he read from one that sounded familiar (but do I know it???) a passage about polluting the seas came up that I thought would be particularly appropriate for the aquarium and the message of conservation of the oceans and marine life. It actually read "you have polluted the seas" and God doesn't like it! A major influence, wouldn't you say?

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

O Frabjous Day

Yesterday we joined Hospice. 

v wants to be able to rest, to be home, to enjoy the company of friends and not the company of medical equipment.  It is understood that he can change his mind at any time if he feels he is gaining strength. 

v loves, and is loved by, so many people.  We couldn't manage this anywhere nearly as well as we are, so far, without the outpouring of love we are receiving. I can only say Thank You, but it really doesn't begin to cover how we feel.

It's just good to be home.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Each Day...

It's up and down around here.

Yesterday was such a good day. v awoke smiling and wanted to go for a ride. After lunch, when he still felt like getting out, we set out.  Now it's the three of us;  him, me, and the oxygen tank (portable).  We drive a New Beetle, so the portable tank almost needs a child's seat in the back. We belt it in and take off for points known.

Yesterday it was spotting a whale just off shore in Pacific Grove (bay side), watching people running along the recreation path, and stopping to pick up some really good clam chowder at Vivolo's on Central. Such tender clams...

Such a magical place to live.  We can pull to the side of the road and watch giants only a few feet away breathing the same air that we breath.  Watching the surface of the water and imagining what passes beneath. Oh, we saw one of the other giants too, the Elephant Seal who hangs with the Harbor Seals at Hopkin's Cove.  He's grown!

 Home feels good too.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

A Box Full of Love

v is home.  Five days in the hospital, no matter how great that hospital is, can take a toll on someone and v is no exception.  He's weak and sometimes breathless, but he is not beaten down.  He's getting a little stronger.  His most notable improvement occurred last night after a visit from our friend and shift captain from the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  She arrived with a beautiful box full of cards, gifts, hand made candies, a book and other tokens of love and encouragement including a beautifully "translated" message from the sea stars themselves, and with the gift of her time and company. I'm afraid my lens just can't contain it all in one shot. It's difficult for us to contain it all in our hearts!

 

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

The Audition

Auditions for table dressing.  A new project for v and me when he gets home, which may be today!!!  Timing will be delicate as there is a football game this afternoon that he really, really wants to see...and we don't have a TV!  He has loads of invitations.  He can view each quarter from a different recliner, armchair, or sofa if he wants.  Or, he might be able to wait 'til after the game to come home.  I think I know a place...

Thank goodness we discovered last year that the Superbowl is streamed live on the computer.  He can be bundled up with his treats and watch here while I can be elsewhere in the house (or garden if the weather holds) doing non-football stuff.  And he can wear his jammies if he wants.

You know, I want to clarify why this blog even exists: it was created at the suggestion of an old, old friend who found me after a fifteen year loss of contact.  So much had changed; her address, she moved to Georgia! me; my name and address, and she found me!  The internet happened while we were silent, email, and this blog stuff.  Trying to send photos to her was causing problems with the emails so she, a woman who never learned to drive, encouraged me to start a blog so I could load up (gee, I guess that would be upload!) photos of my life and share with her.  I just couldn't do Facebook, I'm not that into reconnections. So here we are.  I am fascinated that a woman who has never turned a steering wheel can negotiate, and guide me through, the technical confusion of computer communications.

It's turned out to be a great way to keep our friends at the aquarium updated on v's condition.  I have been so surprised to hear various of our shift mates say, "oh, I read that on your blog"! Well knock me down with a feather!  Welcome all of you who are reading this.  I miss you and I miss the aquarium, in that order.  I'm really hoping to be back soon.  And v wants to visit again also, even though he ended up in the hospital shortly after the last time, it really gives him such an energy boost.

Oh, and just because I love seeing photos from France (especially Paris) since I can't get there:
check out the Valerie Jardin link to the right. She just posted a number of beautiful scenes.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

A Field Trip

Today was good.  Despite not feeling so hot, v agreed to go with me to the Monterey Bay Aquarium this afternoon to visit with our shift mates.  Tuesday 2nd: what a great group of people we found ourselves involved with when we started volunteering back in 2011.  We have received so much support through emails, cards, phone calls, and visits.  Thank you, all of you, for such caring and consideration.

We spent nearly two hours visiting friends and visiting favorite spots within the aquarium.  Just to let you know: the aquarium has wheelchairs to loan to folks like v who don't have the energy to walk throughout that big place.  The floors are concrete, really pretty but not the most comfortable for long periods of time. Another note: if you do borrow a wheelchair, you might want a cushion of some sort...

Update: the radiation continues. Four more scheduled treatments.  He's finally gained some weight, nearly two pounds.  That is thanks to a Peanut Butter Moo'd from Jamba Juice after each treatment, and the delicious gift from one of our shift mates who brought us a big pot of delicious, and rich, soup over the weekend and the recipe and fixings for zucchini pancakes!  Really good stuff!!! We also may be seeing some relief of his back pain, but oh the fatigue caused by the radiation! It was a true tour d'force for him today, but he did so well. The blessings of friendship.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Marmalade

Tonight we made marmalade.  Well, I did anyway. v kept me company sitting in the rocker in the corner of the kitchen. He and the cats listened to music and watched me stir, fill, and process.  It's so satisfying, you know?  Two years ago my "sewing day" friend and I took a marmalade workshop at Happy Girl Kitchen in Pacific Grove.  It was a fun class and we've been making marmalade, jam, jellies, and pickles ever since.  I love that little independent shop. It's very close to the Monterey Bay Aquarium.  Everything but our house is close to the aquarium!

The radiation is moving forward.  They informed us that they are radiating not only the tumor that is "eating" a piece of his spine, but that there is another, low down in his right lung that is "eating" (this is their word) into his chest wall. Well, gee, that didn't sound so good. They assured us that they are attacking the tumor in the lung also. A bone scan was done Thursday. You know, sometimes you just feel like you've been strapped to the healthcare conveyer belt.  We looked at each other when we got home and we both said "I don't want to know!"  Well, it was all right, because it came out negative. Ah! But still, it's almost a case of "so, anyway, Mrs. Lincoln, how did you enjoy the play?"

And, I thank you, our friends who offer their kindnesses and support.  You all brighten our days and keep us above despair.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Another Blow

The latest on v is not so good. He's been suffering a lot of severe back pain that was thought to be sciatica.  As it turns out with his latest CT scan, it's from a new tumor next to his spine which is affecting the adjacent vertebra.  He'll be starting radiation treatments on Thursday and his chemotherapy is on hold for now.  

We just find ourselves so thankful that we have each other and that we have such dear and loving friends.  Good people sustain us.

In bocca al lupo. m & v  

Any Crumb...

Well, gosh, a little good news.  Despite his infections that caused him to stop eating and lose weight over the past two weeks, v was able to gain enough once the antibiotic started working that he weighed the same as he did the last time he was weighed at the doctor's office, two weeks ago.  So, good.  He's beginning to put back on a little weight.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

And Why Not?

Well, we didn't do a lot of decorating, but we did some and the place looks Christmas-y.  v has been up and down.  He was so happy to have his daughter here for the holiday, that was lovely.

It does seem that as we slay one dragon, another will rise up to take its place.  He's lost a dramatic amount of weight and has been complaining of the taste and texture of food.  He's been dealing with a sore throat for several weeks (he recently admitted). He was afraid that his throat cancer had come back.  We were so overjoyed to find that he had an infection (which could have been treated all along!).  Just as that was beginning to clear, and food was becoming enjoyable again, he now is suffering stomach pain from the antibiotic.  It's just a vicious cycle. We just move forward.

Every year, for the past several, we've been having a few friends over on New Year's Day to share black-eyed-peas and rice for a prosperous New Year.  We debated over having the gathering this year, but then we found ourselves mentioning it to one friend, and then suggesting another join us as well, and...well...It looks like a few people may indeed be coming by for that bowl of peas.  And why not?

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Our Friends

v's shop has stood, since he completed the construction, at the back of the garden with a primer coat sadly waiting for some color to be applied.  But, unfortunately, v has been battling one cancer after another since that summer four years ago.  Thankfully, he's had good use of his shop but, for one reason or another, it just never got painted.  This Christmas we decided it would be a nice present to both of us to finally do the deed.  We thought, maybe, I could manage with his coaching.  However, on the day we had scheduled ourselves to get started, our friends, a couple from the nearby village of Spreckles, came by and got down to business!  Within a short time the body color had been applied right up to the worrying peak of the building!  The following day we were even more delightfully surprised when we came home from our shift at the Monterey Bay Aquarium to find that the trim had been painted, and there are several windows!  I can at least say that I painted the door.  From a distance, that looks like a pretty good job, too.  Up close it looks more like a talented pre-schooler got loose with a red crayon.  What I really, really appreciate (aside from the energy derived from all the color) is that those two are so good that even the paint brushes, buckets, and drop cloth were all cleaned and stowed neatly away!  What a gift!  

Stre-e-e-e-etched

Sometimes it's just too much. Everything I have is just not enough.  What else can I say if I'm not heard anyway?

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Down Days

Today v is down from the chemo.  All those months that he had very little reaction...Since September it has been knocking him down for several days after the infusions.  We're so happy that we accomplished so much yesterday.  It makes today, and probably tomorrow, that much easier to deal with.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Big Sur Backroad

This morning I wanted to run down to Big Sur for a film shoot.  I took both cameras so I'd have something to share here.  I woke up wanting to add some redwoods to my tree portfolio.  v was finally feeling much better: no stomach pain, no abdomen pain, no back pain.  These are the majority of the complaints he had through September and October since restarting the chemo.  He states he's still feeling weak, but he's been knocked down so much by these other symptoms that he isn't moving around that much.  He was kind enough to drive us down to Big Sur in his truck, but I drove home.  We're both so happy he isn't experiencing any pain today.
Ahhhhh...

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

No Trick but a Lovely Treat!

Well, this morning I decided to experiment with exposure, light subject, and shadows.  I was reading one of Ansel Adams books on photography and came across his advice to "expose for shadows, develop for light". And there was our Christmas Cactus blooming for Halloween!

For a scary subject: v has now been experiencing some spinal pain. It began just a few days ago.  Another CT scan is being advised.  We asked, well, I asked, how many CT scans can/should a person have in a year, or shall we just say in a six to twelve month period?  We got what I am feeling is the standard physician reply: "When the exam is related to treatment then the benefits outweigh the risks".  I just can't help wondering if another, unspoken, response is that under the circumstances (v's stage IV), if we're just being told it doesn't matter in the end?

OH! but there is an UPDATE on this condition:
He just got up (I generally post when he's still sleeping) and while we were discussing this particular pain he realized it has gone!  Yesterday it was painful to touch.  The doctor poked and pinched at it to v's visible discomfort.  Today it's gone!  I just kneaded every vertebrae in his spine and the pain is gone.  Hmmmmm. We just got our Halloween treat! I'll close now on such glad tidings...Sometimes it just works out that way, eh?

In bocca al lupo. m & v

Ladybug, Ladybug...

Well, it wasn't a good September for v.  Chemo restarted after a short break, four weeks, and he can't seem to regain his energy.  He has new discomforts.  There is so much anxiety and unrest in me.  I clutch at any straw.  What a sanctuary is our garden and our friends.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

That Quiet Hour of the Morning

This is the quiet hour. v is still asleep, the kitchen has been put in order and I have my coffee.  I also, generally, have a text conversation with my childhood friend who lives in Southern California where we grew up.  She's even a teacher in the school district we attended. First grade and, gosh, she's been there long enough to retire!  Unbelievable!  I won't even post how long we've been friends since we met on the first day of kindergarten.  Since my family all passed so many years ago, she is the person I've known longest in my life. She is my family. She even took off from work and drove the eight hour drive, overnight, to be there when v and I married. We didn't have a wedding, just a minister we found through telephone inquiries.  We didn't even meet her until the ceremony.  When I suddenly realized I wouldn't know her I phoned her the night before to ask how  I would recognize her.  She said she'd  "be the woman in the green truck!" and I said I'd be the one in the blue truck. So it was great. v'd chosen the site, a favorite spot overlooking Carmel Beach.  My dear friend was there, also a couple of my co-workers "crashed" the ceremony.  It was amazing to me.  v cried, he's just so sentimental.  Do you know, we still look at each other and say "how did we get so lucky?" Well, with it's ups and downs, I still feel I live a charmed life, v hasn't been so lucky, but it's had a glow since we've been together.  So much is due to the wonderful friends we have, old and new.

The latest CT results will be today and the next round of chemo.  We'll see...

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

CT Scan Monday

Missed Sunday, ah well...you know, it was the last day of baseball season for our favorites, the San Francisco Giants, so that took priority.

Today was CT scan and then breakfast on the wharf to add a little cheer to this otherwise dismal start to Monday and the week.  We are hoping that the latest symptoms will turn out to be lactose intolerance, which they actually seem to be.

Wednesday will be the start of another round of three weeks, then another break, then another round of three.  That will bring us up to exactly one year since the chemo started, October 23.  He is still not complaining, except for when IV's don't get started smoothly, or blood draws are clumsy.  The nurses at the "chemo lounge" couldn't be more kind, efficient, and knowledgeable. They take away a lot of what would be the fear.

We're so thankful that his discomfort hasn't been worse than it's been and that v can still be active. He's even been able to substitute teach. But, his energy isn't nearly what it was and this grieves him, I know.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Good News

Still working on some design ideas, this is part of the Beaches series.

CT results for v were very encouraging. They usually have been. However, this time the doctor made the comment "...of the tumors still remaining...".  Still remaining? Some have actually gone???  Yes, several per the doctor.  There are a few small ones outside of the liver area and a few remain in both lungs, however the largest (which had always been the largest) has diminished to around thumbnail size and had started out silver dollar sized.  Although the CT cannot perfectly visualize the esophagus it does show the area and that area appears normal.  So v is taking a break from chemo. He'll start again in September.  We took a celebratory getaway to Morro Bay to take some pictures for the current project.

We have now decided that both of us have gotten way out of shape.  Hiking sand dunes about did us in.  We've concentrated so much on his weight and preserving energy that we lost sight of something very fundamental; physical exercise.  So we see a lot of walking in our immediate future!

In bocca al lupo.  m & v

Wetlands Series

Everyday I learn something.  I am working on several new images.  Egrets in the wetlands of Elkhorn Slough.

v and I are awaiting the results of his latest CT scan of last Friday. We'll find out what progress he's made since the last time.  He feels very sure that he is now in remission. His energy is outstanding. He's become our new head gardener here at home.  Our so sadly neglected gardens are making a comeback.  The gardening is new to him, he has heretofore been in charge of construction and I've done the planting and general layouts. So, his vision is coming through now.  They become his healing gardens.

In bocca al lupo.  m & v